Good works come from a place of grace. This is central to our faith. Grace trumps legalism and forgiveness trumps judgementalism. For this reason, it’s imperative that you forgive yourself. Henri Nouwen, when he was writing on the spiritual life, wrote about one of the greatest barriers to knowing God and to living a life fully for Jesus, and this is what he said:
“Over the years I’ve come to realize that the greatest trap in our life is not success, popularity, or power, but self-rejection. When we have come to believe in the voices that call us worthless and unlovable, then success, popularity and power are easily perceived as attractive solutions. The real trap, however, is self-rejection. As soon as someone accuses or criticizes me. As soon as I am rejected, left alone, or abandoned, I find myself thinking, ‘well that proves once again that I am a nobody.’ My dark side says, ‘I’m no good. I deserve to be pushed aside, forgotten, rejected and abandoned.’ Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the beloved. Being the beloved constitutes the truth of our existence.”
Friend, you can trust that God will not turn His back on you when you make a mistake. Even when you are faithless, He remains faithful. Even when you make mistakes and even when you fall, as long as you continue to turn your eyes to Him, your life will get better. Jesus is not rejecting you and He’s not angry at you. He loves you just as you are, so never discredit the glorious and unique person He created you to be!