Beware of what some pastors call “black holes”: people who continually take advantage of generous givers. These individuals never seem to stop asking, always taking without reciprocating. You might even have someone in mind who fits this description. It’s important to set boundaries—you don’t have to enable this kind of behavior. Adam Grant, in his excellent book “Give and Take,” describes this personality type in detail.

Grant explains that, in life, there are three types of people: takers, exchangers, and givers. Takers are those who are always on the receiving end, rarely giving back. Exchangers keep score—if they give someone a meal, they expect to receive something in return. Givers, on the other hand, are generous without expectation, giving freely and trusting that good will come back to them. Both the rich and poor can be takers or givers. When I worked with the homeless, I encountered many who were black holes and takers, but also many who were true givers—even when they had little to offer. Give a hungry man a sandwich, and he’ll often split it, sharing half with someone else. 

My friend, the same is true among the wealthy—there are generous givers and relentless takers in every group. There are wealthy people who are incredibly generous, kind, and spirit-filled, just as there are wealthy individuals who only take—like Ebenezer Scrooge. This is what I teach my daughter: be a giver, and seek to surround yourself with other givers. That is the path to a fulfilling life. In the end, no one is truly keeping score except the Lord.